im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
