im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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