hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
