last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
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you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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