Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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