what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I love having hate sex.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
