i just google imaged poop.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
