I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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