My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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