Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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