alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drunk is not a location!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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