This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
