Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
