There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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