my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.