Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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