Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
wow bdsm is so cute
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
