He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
