i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
