those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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