if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
