I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
