Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
