probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
