i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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