I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
