the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
