we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
