I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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