Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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