oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
