new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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