There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
