You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
