What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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