that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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