Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
wow bdsm is so cute
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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