whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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