Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize