You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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