Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
