Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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