Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
