How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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