So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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