i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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