I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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