i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
