if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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