3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
