i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
