he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
