Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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