we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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