How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My balls are so social today.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
