You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
