Do you still have your period?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
