Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
