Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
