Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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