I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
