So drunk its hurt
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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