I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
